i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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