remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
