I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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