As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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