Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
