he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
