tell your sister to shave her snatch
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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