I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
nut hugger
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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