her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
