at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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