Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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