just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
