I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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