thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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