oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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