margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
