I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
