I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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