I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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