Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
