I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
