Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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