I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
