i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
