I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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