it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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