hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
