k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
