Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
