His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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