So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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