i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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