eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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