I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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