If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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