Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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