Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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