i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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