You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
