I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
