he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
