Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He felt like a one man threesome
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
