In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My dad is sitting where you rode me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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