I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
