so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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