I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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