Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I puked a lego.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
