Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
