How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
