i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
