I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
