I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
